Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I am out of my mind

OMG. I am so messed up... Yesterday I rolled up a cigarette size joint and it was too much for me to handle. I began swaying in a few minutes and then things turned weird. Everything was just disorientated. I couldn't figure out what direction or orientation my room was. Seriously thirsty at one point and went into a philosophical conundrum about what the purpose of life is. My mind went freaking wild trying to understand why and what's the point with 2 conflicting thoughts that just wouldn't stop. At one point I was worried I was going to hurt myself as my vision along with my body continually swayed like a wave. I did get into a bunch of new insights that somewhat escape me but it involves mental illness and what it must be like not able to completely control your thoughts or when you can't seem to tell whether something is real or if things really happened at this point. Time and space was just not in sequence.

Than I felt partly sick in the stomach and just wanted things to stop but it was really bad as I couldn't go to sleep and I was looking at the watch from 2, 3, 5, 6-7 am. Today was a little better as I was able to function but I'm still not completely there. I am relatively detached as if I'm not actually in this reality and just like; what's the deal with this. It's kinda weird and really frustrating. I was also a little moody I suppose because something stupid happened and I was speaking really loud in an agravated way...

The sad thing is it wasn't even that much in my opinion. I guess a little bit is great(one or two puffs) but anymore and it went from good to wtf is going on... Still not there yet after 15 hours but at least I can post this blog post.

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